


A Victuuri Story As Told in Tags, Or, Tagging Is Serious Business

by Ceile



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: I was double dared to post this, M/M, What Have I Done, read the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 06:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15237663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceile/pseuds/Ceile
Summary: A lighthearted, self-deprecating look at the YOI fandom, inspired by the many, many, many, creative tags for it. Don’t take it seriously, because it is crack.  #IWasDoubleDaredToActuallyPostThis





	A Victuuri Story As Told in Tags, Or, Tagging Is Serious Business

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of months ago, as “YCC”, Your Companion Ceile, was working on her *coughcough* legitimate YOI fan fiction, I had a conversation with My Friend, “Ms. X”, and it went something like this (paraphrased, of course):
> 
> YCC: Wow~there are some pretty amazingly odd tags used in this fandom!  
> Ms.X: IKR  
> YCC: So. Many. Tags. So. Many. AUs. Mermaid AU?! Am I missing something?!  
> Ms.X: *TRIGGERED* There was a 500-word work with like 3 cell-phone screens worth of tags WTF?  
> YCC: I saw that!   
> Ms.X: The whole story was pretty much what was in the tags.  
> YCC: *Crack switch: FLIPPED* What would happen if I wrote a fic using nothing BUT tags….? I shall call it “CRACKTAGS” muahahahahahaha…..*writes it for sh**s and giggles*  
> Ms.X: *reads Cracktags* GOLD!  
> SpongeBob Announcer: Several….Months….Later….  
> Ms.X: I double dare you to post Cracktags.  
> YCC: *gasps* Oh no you didn’t…  
> Ms.X: Haha, just doooo itttt! <3  
> YCC: I’m pretty sure I will be hated for this. But a double dare is Serious Business, so...
> 
> Te kanjidesu. Enjoy.

Yuuri Katsuki/Victor Nikiforov AKA Yuuri Katz/Victor Nicks. Mafia AU Mermaid/Merman AU Bakery/Cafe AU.

No Library AU . Victor is probably too extra to work in a library. No offense, librarians. Seriously please do not take offense, Librarians . I don't want to be attacked by yandere Librarians.  

Detective!Phichit/Detective!Chris. No Phichiametti though. I have to draw a line somewhere. Yuuri and Victor are both Confidential Police Informants. ABO Dynamics (later) . Gratuitous use of parentheses (throughout).  

Yuuri and Victor just want to swim in a homophobia free mer-society . Victor wants Yuuri to win the Grand Prix of Baking contest held annually in the mermaid realm. Hidden mafia past. Mafia families have no chill. Victor has no chill. Victor's fin fetish. Mpreg. They fight over who gets to Mpreg .Victor tried to top. Yuuri is too much of an S though. Do mpreg merman lay eggs? How does that work? I'll figure that out. Maybe. Eggs will be laid. Someone will lay an egg.  

Yuri Plisetsky is jealous of the egg. Swearing, because Yuri Plisetsky. He’s aspiring to be a mafia underling despite his ambiguous sexuality. Why is that even related? But Otabek saves him and makes sure he enters the Grand Prix Baking Contest instead. I don’t mess with Otabek. He’s off limits to crack. 

The contest is rigged by said hidden mafia families. Yuuri Katz reveals he’s secretly Yuuri Katsuki. He’s the bocchama to a major Yakuza syndicate. Of course Victor’s evil dad is a Russian mafia kingpin specializing in the trafficking of human hair to make black market wigs.  He’s the reason Victor’s hair is short now. Silver hair fetched a high price. RIP Victor’s hair. Victor renounced his evil mafia family and ran away to be a baker. That’s why he’s AKA Victor Nicks. Duh. Pay attention. You probably forgot that already. Anyway, that’s Victor’s angsty past, bitches. TRUTH. 

He confesses he’s really Victor Nikiforov the 5 time Grand Prix Baking Contest champion, holder of 5 gold tridents. But he wants to coach Yuuri because Yuuri’s hot. Maybe he’s talented too, but mainly, he’s just hot. 

But Yuuri gets sabotaged. Minor character injury (or is it, a main character has a minor injury? You decide.)   And then Victor has no chill (2x). There will be amnesia involved. But also a miraculous recovery. Because Fanfiction. I am trying to achieve “My Immortal” levels of fanfiction here. But only with tags. I am here to serve. Detectives! Phichit & Chris solve the crime. The culprit is an OC, of course, who is secretly working for the hidden mafia families of their secret unknown pasts. Well, the pasts are probably known by now. The OC probably has legs. That’s how you know he’s the bad guy. Because mermaid/merman AU, remember? They’re mermen. 

Yuuri can finally bake a quad layer wedding cake. Victor decides to marry him on the spot.  Remember, people, he’s extra. So very extra. They forgot to have a bachelor party, so drunk shenans are at the reception. Pole dancing. Or pole swimming? Crap. I keep forgetting they are mermen. Are the Detectives! Mermen too? Or do they have legs? And how do you bake cakes underwater anyway? PWP (Physics, What Physics?) But isn’t the physics of water called something else? This writer has been out of school too long. No f**ks does she give either. But I do think mer-porn might be challenging to write after all. 

New tag. Magical AU. They can cast a spell on themselves so they can be men without the “mer”. Smut’s easier like that.  Victor’s (now) foot fetish. Maybe handcuffs are given or borrowed from Detective!Chris. They use them. Victor can’t top for sh** when #DrunkYuuri’s around. Or ever. Detective!Phichit is a corrupt cop who posted all the blackmail photos to Insta. Because he wanted Victor’s Chanel sunglasses. He totally needs them now because they can come (pun intended? Or not? You decide.) out of the water. Because Magical AU-reverse-merman spell, remember? Victor won’t part with the Chanel glasses. Yuuri beats Phichit into submission though.  Reputations are saved. They open a small bakery and cafe. Cakes are easier to bake above water. 

But then angst. So much angst.  Angst and feels. So many feels. They’re struggling to make ends meet in their bakery/cafe. Because Victor has a shopping addiction and Yuuri can barely work due to his crippling anxiety. Questionable coping mechanisms. But I won’t write a Sad Ending. I know better. The YOI fandom demands a Happy Ending. Because the YOI fandom has no chill. Victor has no chill (3x). 

Soul marks appear on everyone. Yuri Plisetsky is pissed. He didn’t want to be in a soulmate AU. Otabek is immune from crack, see, so Yuri Plisetsky is worried he’ll lose his BFF. Because I won’t put Otabek through this humiliation. Otabek shall not be sullied. Victor helps Yuri through his difficult….puberty times?  Wait. That sounds really creepy. Scratch that. Victor doesn’t help. At all. Yuri Plisetsky suffers alone. 

Yuuri and Victor get busy though because A/B/O. Things get kinky (TM). Because smut. Tag. All. The. Sex. Words. 

Yuri Plisetsky gets kidnapped by the mafia. His pseudo dads rescue him, of course. Eventually. Once they stop screwing and realize he’s gone. They confidentially inform. They lead Detectives!Phichit & Chris to the unseemly lairs of their mafia families. Some minor people get dead. Death. A lot of death, but mainly for OCs so that’s ok. Kind of like the red shirts in Star Trek. It’s ok. Oh yeah, Vicchan lives. Makkachin was probably a mer-dog (we forgot to explain that.  Thank goodness for gratuitous parentheses.) I’m sure Makka was included in the reverse-mer-spell. Makkachin’s fine. They eat cake not steamed buns in this AU. 

Yuuri’s sweet family members were actually forced into this life and they are finally free from oppression. So they live too. Mari can experience her freedom and get another piercing. Because she’s cool, okay? Mari is underrated as a character, bitches. We need more respect for Mari because clearly Yuuri was favored. Their indulgence of Yuuri’s aspirations to be a world class baker made Mari have to clean restrooms. TRUTH. Victor loves Mari and wants her to be his sister. But he obviously loves Yuuri more too. Poor Mari. Yuuri better pony up some of his prize money so Mari can buy a new outfit.  Now that they have legs, Victor and Yuuri need new outfits too. Shopping. Detective!Chris retires from the police force. He becomes a Love Doctor (TM). He just wants to help people find some Eros, man. Cut the guy some slack. He may or may not accompany Victor and Yuuri shopping for stuff. Lube. Etc. PWP ensues (yes, the Porn Without Plot PWP). Because Chris. Possible threesome. Soulmarks fire up. Heat/Mating Cycles. Maybe the Mpreg is accidental. Oops. (Insert Phichit’s Scandalous selfie meme here.) Who’s the baby daddy? Wait, aren’t they all daddys? So who laid the egg? Who the hell is Chihoko? What have I done? The writer shall now whore herself out for comments.. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me; it's all in good fun. ;)  
> ~C


End file.
